She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize