You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
