She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
