its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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