I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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