It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
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What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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