He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
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U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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