I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™