Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.