go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.