Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
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Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here