I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this boner is exhausting
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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