my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize