Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm just so full of love and alcohol