Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.