Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".