in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Boobs speak an international language.
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We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed