Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment