I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
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Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to