Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.