I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.