He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
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Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party