I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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