You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
