if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i love accidental penises.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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