dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
