: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
