if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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