Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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