I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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