Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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