I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
