this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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