I just cut my nipple shaving
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize