Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Vodka?
Forever.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
