I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
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Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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