getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I FOUND THE LEGS
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
