is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
