I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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