3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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