I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i think my cat just said my name.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize