I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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