Umm I'm too high to move.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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