Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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