you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
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My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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