i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize