you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
