Don't make out with my wife yet
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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