Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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