Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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