I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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