Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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