i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
