When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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