One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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