Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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