please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
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You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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