i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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