Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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