I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
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You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table