sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs