why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Duck Duck Cougar?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
me + whiskey = a bad person
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.