u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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