So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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